Thursday, April 19, 2012

 Here we go...

   Anyone that has been through infertility issues knows the emotional roller coaster that you go through.  The tracking, counting, wishing, hoping, praying, and disappointment that you go through every month is draining.  When you are on fertility medications your emotions are over the top and for me it often felt like I was surrounded by pregnant woman and babies everywhere I went.  Every month there is a level of excitement, maybe this will be our month, and every month there is disappointment when it isn’t.  I blamed myself and maybe my husband does too in his own way.  I felt anger, jealousy, grief, which then resulted in overwhelming guilt.  I knew in my heart that it wasn’t anyone’s fault, including our own.       
 After several years of trying including a few rounds of IUI, I finally said I had had enough.  I didn't want to talk about it anymore.   I was done counting and tracking, and I needed a break.  We took about four months off and it felt good to just enjoy each other and not be on a timeline.         

  However, I then realized early this year it was time to start thinking about IVF again and our next step.  I had made peace with the past and I didn't want to wait any longer.  So, much to my surprise, here we are just a few months later at Chicago at O’Hare Airport waiting for our flight to Istanbul.  Waiting for our dream, waiting for hope, waiting for what seems like forever.

 more on our journey to come...

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